NEWS FROM THE WORLD OF CRICKET: SHOAIB MALIK WANTS TO BECOME AN ENGLISH GENTLEMAN

In a bid to change the image of Pakistani cricketers and become "media savvy" himself, captain Shoaib Malik has started taking English classes from a specially appointed tutor.

"Shoaib is very serious about his image and that of the country. He realises the importance of a modern day cricket captain being media savvy and having the confidence and proficiency in an international language," a source close to the 25-year-old Malik said.

Malik's endeavour has found support from the Cricket Board, which has asked other players to follow suit. The PCB, in fact, is contemplating starting classes in English for young players attending the National Cricket Academy and training camps.

Poor command over English has been a cause of embarrassment for the Pakistani players and has often put them into unwanted controversies generated by an international media unable to interpret them properly after a press conference or prize distribution ceremony.

During the World Cup in the West Indies, the Pakistani team created a stir when its media manager Pervez Mir said that captain Inzamam-ul-Haq and other players would not address press conferences in English.

Mir said he would act as a translator for the benefit of international media.

The International Cricket Council had to step in and remind the team management of the necessity to speak in English at prize distribution ceremonies for an international television audience.

ENGLISH LADY, INDIAN SCHOOLMASTER, AND THE CONFUSION OVER THE CLOSET!!

In the days when you couldn't count on a public toilet facility, an English woman was planning a trip to India. She was registered to stay in a small guest house owned by the local schoolmaster.

She was concerned as to whether the guest house contained a WC. In England, a bathroom is commonly called a WC which stands for "Water Closet".

She wrote to the schoolmaster inquiring of the facilities about the WC.

The school master, not fluent in English, asked the local priest if he knew the meaning of WC. Together they pondered possible meanings of the letters and concluded that the lady wanted to know if there was a "Wayside Chapel" near the house . . . a bathroom never entered their minds.

So the schoolmaster wrote the following reply:

Dear Madam, take great pleasure in informing you that the WC is located miles from the house. It is located in the middle of a grove of pine trees, surrounded by lovely grounds. It is capable of holding 229 people and is open on Sundays and Thursdays. As there are many people expected in the summer months, I suggest you arrive early. There is, however, plenty of standing room. This is an unfortunate situation especially if you are in the habit of going regularly.

It may be of some interest to you that my daughter was married in the WC as it was there that she met her husband. It was a wonderful event. There were 10 people in every seat. It was wonderful to see the expressions on their faces. We can take photos in different angle. My wife, sadly, has been ill and unable to go recently. It has been almost a year since she went last, which pains her greatly.

You will be pleased to know that many people bring their lunch and make a day of it. Others prefer to wait till the last minute and arrive just in time.

I would recommend your ladyship plan to go on a Thursday as there is an organ accompaniment. The acoustics are excellent and even the most delicate sounds can be heard everywhere.

The newest addition is a bell which rings every time a person enters. We are holding a bazaar to provide plush seats for all since many feel it is long needed.

I look forward to escorting you there myself and seating you in a place where you can be seen by all.

With deepest regards,
The Schoolmaster

The Woman fainted reading the reply........ and she never visited India !!!!