Mahesh Babu has been breaking one box-office reord after the other, Junior NTR has been riding the crest of a superstar wave, and even Prabhas and Gopichand are making heads turn with their 'hit'man profile. What are the reigning superstars doing to keep themselves in the race? We take a hilarious ride on what could be on the minds of the superstars. It has been done in jest, so take it in the right spirit and have a rollicking Sunday!!
Chiranjeevi, Balakrishna, Venkatesh and Nagarjuna are sitting together with their backs to each other. There is pindrop silence in the room. The emergency meeting has been called by Balakrishna for reasons better known to him. And him alone. The Big 3 -- Chiranjeevi, Venkatesh and Nagarjuna -- have arrived half-an-hour back, but Balakrishna hasn't opened his mouth yet, and naturally they are restless and waiting for him to speak up. And after an hour, Balakrishna finally speaks up.
BALAKRISHNA: (In a pensive mood, slowly raises his head and gets up to address the others) All of you must be wondering why I've called for the meeting. It is a grave issue that needs to be addressed immediately. If we don't address it now, it is going to take a toll on our careers....
(The moment he says careers, all of three sit straight in attention with apprehension writ large on their faces)
You know that a number of young heroes have burst on the horizon...
(Chiranjeevi is unable to take the the suspense anymore)
CHIRANJEEVI: Balakrishna, cut the crap and come to the point.
BALAKRISHNA (irritated): Coming to the point, a number of young heroes have burst on the horizon...
CHIRANJEEVI: (cuts in again): I told you to cut the crap...
BALAKRISHNA: (trying to calm himself): Don't get angry Chiranjeevi, I'm coming to the point. The point is....the point is... what was I talking about?
(Now Venkatesh and Nagarjuna too are pretty pissed off with Balakrishna's inability to speak out his mind. And they start squirming in their seats. Chiranjeevi gives Balakrishna a glare.)
BALAKRISHNA: (continues) I hate it when someone pops a question in the middle. See, you've cut my train of thought... Okay, okay, now I remember, the point is: the younger heroes are going beyond their brief and straying wildly into our territory. If we don't do something about it, we are going to face serious consequences.
(Venkatesh gets up and tries to say something, but Balakrishna waves his hand asking him to sit down)
BALAKRISHNA: Learn to wait Venkatesh, why are you in a hurry to speak up? Let me complete.
(Venkatesh is miffed at Balakrishna's snub)
BALAKRISHNA: What was I saying? Yeah, the point is: They are imitating our roles, bashing up the same villians we've been grounding to pulp, and they are even flirting with the same heroines?
NAGARJUNA: Yeah, I've tried my best to get a heroine and they say they are busy with this film and that film, and so I had to settle with Anushka for Don.
CHIRANJEEVI: Yeah, they don't even have respect for a megastar like me, who has won a Padma Vibhushan, and spent lakhs of rupees to tom-tom it to the world. Look at Mahesh Babu? He has robbed the only ad I have on television -- the Thumps Up ad. And I had to settle for that greasy Navratan oil ad. (Sighs) And this should happen at a time when I am launching my son.
BALAKRISHNA: That junior NTR, he tags my father's name, he robs my image and now he is trying to usurp my identity as well by making films based on Rayalaseema themes -- my bread and butter.
NAGARJUNA: What is worse Chiranjeevi, they are looking down at me as if I am a old hag. Do I look that old, Chiranjeevi?
CHIRANJEEVI: How can you be old Nagarjuna? I'm told by my chamchas that even now you are fooling around with the young young juicy juicy fruitty tutti heroines. What luck brother, you speak good English and give good good parties and get to flirt with heroines naa? Otherwise why all heroines call you Nag, and come to your house even though you don't have a proper hit like me in the last couple of years?
(At this, Nagarjuna gets put off and looks to Balakrishna for help. But there is a glee in Venkatesh's face that Nag has been snubbed by Chiranjeevi.)
NAGARJUNA: (mustering courage) So what if I don't have hits? I am not becoming old like you know. See the wrinkles on your face?
(At this, an enraged Chiranjeevi picks up his mobile and rings up his All-India Chiranjeevi Fans' Association president and tells him to pull down all Nag's hoardings across the State for having insulted a megastar like him.)
(Nag gets agitated and even fears for his life. He slips out of the room and uses his wife's clout in the English press to plant a story of how Chiranjeevi fans are rowdy elements and how he tried to settle an issue between Balakrishna and Chiranjeevi, despite Venkatesh backing Balakrishna and how the whole thing blew out of proportion culminating in Chiranjeevi ordering his fans to pull his cutouts down.)
PRESS REPORTERS: (on the other side of the phone) When did you have cutouts Nagarjuna? All your films have been either flops or average grossers and you have been keeping up this myth that you are still a loverboy.
NAGARJUNA: Did you forget the party my brother-in-law gave you last week? He will give you an even bigger one at Hotel Taj Krishna next week, where you can have a comfortable stay with your friends and family.
(All of them are happy and think of how to write a mindblowing copy with a mindblowing headline.)
Meanwhile, Venkatesh is fumbling for words and he is talking with all the parts of his body except his mouth. His throat is parched, and he is making wild gestures trying to put across his point. He must have removed and put on his cap some 50 times and scratched it evey time.
BALAKRISHNA: (who has been watching Venkatesh's funny antics) Stop doing that Venkatesh, you are pulling the little hair you have on your head.
(And Balakrishna can't contain his disgust at the pettifoggying between the stars)
What the fuck is this. We are supposed to be fucking superstars and we can't even fucking discuss this, leave alone reach a fucking conclusion.
(When he use foul language, he is very audible. While Chiranjeevi and Nagarjuna are aghast, Venkatesh is virutally shaken. With Balakrishna's shooting episode still fresh in memory, Venkatesh immediately rings up his brother, Suresh, for an idea, lest Balakrishna takes off the heat on him. But Ramanaidu comes on the line and a nervous Venkatesh mumbles on the phone.)
RAMANAIDU: (on the other side of the phone) Stop stammering and tell me what it is.
VENKATESH: N..n..n...n..nothing papa, I...I...I j...j...j....j..ust wanted to know if you had your dinner (and cuts the call)
(Later he realises that in his frenzy, he had rang up Ramanaidu and not Suresh. So he tries for Suresh's number. Now it is the turn of Chiranjeevi to get angry at Venkatesh.)
CHIRANJEEVI: Acting in women's films and degrading the image of superstars like us, you've become like a woman Venkatesh. For every bloody thing, you ring up your father or brother to take permission. Is this the same with your wife, too?
(He comes closer to Venkatesh and puts his hands on his shoulders and shakes him up)
Be a man, Venkatesh
(Now it is the turn of Nagarjuna to giggle).
BALAKRISHNA: Enough of that giggling Nag, you are no different from him. He is doing it in films and you are doing it outside. Both are one and the same, birds of the same feather.
CHIRANJEEVI: What can you expect from them, Balakrishna? You know pretty well that they studied together in the US, and were even roommates there till they became rivals in the industry and fell out.
(Saying this, Chiranjeevi bursts out into howls of laughter. Balakrishna too joins the fun)
BALAKRISHNA: Chiranjeevi, these two guys can't do anything now. Since it affects the two of us more than them, only we should come up with a solution.
(Chiranjeevi clasps his chin in his hands and starts thinking very hard for an idea. Likewise Balakrishna. While both of them are engrossed in their quest for an answer, Venkatesh and Nagarjuna are playing with their mobiles)
CHIRANJEEVI: (after half an hour) I've got it Balakrishna, I've got it. Why not copyright the Rayalaseema narratives and the choreographed fight sequences that have a row of Sumos, Qualis, Scorpios, etc kicking up dust. The brand name of the vehicles is also important.
(Balakrishna nods his head in gleeful agreement.)
BALAKRISHNA: (Visibly happy) How did you get this brilliant idea, Chirnajeevi?
CHIRANJEEVI: (Mighty impressed with himself) What do you think I am? I'm a Gandhian now. No, a street smart Gandhian. I'm no more an ordinary superstar. A Gandhian superstar. Haven't you heard about my new film Shankardada Zindabad?
(But Balakrishna is nor more interested in Chiranjeevi's Gandhian lecture and takes a dig at Chiranjeevi.)
BALAKRISHNA: I should have done this -- opted for the copyright -- after I've made Narasimha Naidu, Chiranjeevi, so that you wouldn't have poached on my theme and made Indra, and stolen some of the thunder from under my feet. What a shame Chiranjeevi that you should stoop so low to copy my themes!
(Chiranjeevi gets mad at Balakrishna, pulls out his mobile and rings up his fans to stop pulling Nagarjuna's banners and posters and instead burn up Balakrishna's cutouts and banners.)
(A fuming Balakrishna too gives the same instructions to his fans. And in an even louder tone. That done, they exchange a war of words.)
CHIRANJEEVI: (gulps down a quick drink he is carrying in his pocket and launches a tirade) You are too caught in your image, Balakrishna. That's why you are scared about the kids and have called for this meeting.
BALAKRISHNA (burning with rage): I walk 5 km around Brahmananda Reddy Park everyday and exercise regularly. Can you beat me in looks or physique? Never. And right from the beginning, I was clear about my image. Not like a you -- doing this theme once and that theme another time.
CHIRANJEEVI: That's because you have no choice, Balaiah. (Chiranjeevi's drink starts acting on him) You are stuck in your image. But I, I'm a universal actor. I even acted in a couple of Hindi films.
BALAKRISHNA: That's because you were unsure about your self and looking for avenues in various places. But what happened? The two or three films you've done were flops. I'm not like you. I'm too sure about my image and don't and won't waver under any circumstances. Narasimha Naidu, he says (slapping his thighs) and lets out a roar.
(Venkatesh and Nagarjuna stop fiddling with their mobiles and try to flee from the place before the two guys get into fisticuffs.)
(Venkatesh gets into the gestures drama and tries to tell them not to get worked up over the issue. But, as usual, he cannot do it..so Nagarjuna takes over)
NAGARJUNA: (in his drunken sounding voice) Look, I'm not into all this on-the-sly stuff, and I'm very jumpy just now. I've to go look for a heroine. (He excuses himself and walks away)
VENKATESH: (Searches for an excuse but can't find one) I too have lots of work in the studio. My brother told me to tally the accounts in the morning, but since we had the meeting, I couldn't do that.
(Saying that he runs from the place without waiting for a reply)
Now only Balakrishna and Chiranjeevi are left and both of them are glaring at each other, waiting for the other to strike first. There is an uneasy calm in the hall for 15 minutes. And both of them speak up at the same time...
BALAKRISHNA: Sorry, Chiranjeevi, I shouldn't have poked fun at you.
CHIRANJEEVI: It was my fault, brother, I should have been a little serious, as you have called for this meet in right earnest.
BALAKRISHNA: The point is not that brother. We have been in the industry for around 25 years, and today these bachcha actors have become thorns in our side. How do we regain our old popularity?
CHIRANJEEVI: I know Balakrishna, I can understand your feelings. That is why I am launching my son to fight the battle on two fronts. While he will cash in on the youth's craze, I will be able to cash in on his popularity by piggybacking on his success. That is called killing two birds with one stone. How does my idea sound?
BALAKRISHNA: But what about me? I don't have a son whom I can launch into films right now. What do I do?
CHIRANJEEVI: Jump into politics, brother. Anyway, there is a huge craze for your father, and people too are expecting someone from the NTR family to take up the reins. And if you are successful, I too will take the plunge.
BALAKRISHNA: That sounds like a good idea, Chiranjeevi. It will reinforce my acting career, and my acting career will reinforce my political career. Both can feed on each other. And I can be a powerful factor in both the fields.
CHIRANJEEVI: But, how will you take the plunge?
BALAKRISHNA: I already have the line ready brother -- "If people want me to enter politics, I will....one day". So, my brother-in-law Chandrababu Naidu has already opened his channels of communication and paving the way to induct me into the Telugu Desam Party.
CHIRANJEEVI: Wish I too had a lineage like you Balakrishna, so that I could take the plunge into politics immediately. Although I've been putting up this front that I am not interested in politics, I can never be sure whether I would be successful in politics or not, especially after Imran Khan and the late Shivaji Ganeshan, who have been demigods in their own right, have been sent packing by the voters... And going by the way they've rejected Chandrababu Naidu in the last election, my fears have only worsened. What do I do Balakrishna? How do I do it?
BALAKRISHNA: You don't need to worry Chiranjeevi, your popularity surpasses theirs by a mile. Where are they, and where are you. But, the point is, after all this, do we need to take the plunge into politics after all the attention we have -- I for my birthday and you for your welfare activities? We are just worrying about something which is not there, brother. It is just a figment of our fearful imagination. What do you say?
CHIRANJEEVI: That gives me the courage, Balakrishna. Look at Rajnikanth, how he has shaped his career? We only need to do a bit of planning and we would be where we are for ages to come -- right on top.
BALAKRISHNA: Yes, Chiranjeevi, kids come and go, but we will rule Tollywood forever.
CHIRANJEEVI: Let us say it together once again, brother, in a sing-song fashion.
(And both of them start singing)
We will, we will rock Tollywood!!
We will, we will rock Tollywood!!
We will, we will rock Tollywood!!
For ages to come!!
(And the last we heard they haven't stopped singing)
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